📖 5-minute read
DEAR MAN is DBT's script for the moments you need to ask for something or say no, and it matters that you do it well. It sounds mechanical the first time — and works anyway.
DEAR is the message: Describe (facts), Express (feelings), Assert (the ask), Reinforce (what's in it for them). MAN is the delivery: Mindful (stay on point), Appear confident, Negotiate (be willing to compromise on the how, not the what).
Use it for high-stakes conversations. Rehearse it before you say it. And expect that even a perfect DEAR MAN doesn't guarantee a yes — it just gives you the best chance of being heard.