Idealisation and remembering the good moments

• Card 1

  It is common for memory to gravitate toward the warmest, most connected moments of a difficult relationship, especially in the early stages of separation. This isn't dishonesty or denial — vivid emotional memories are often laid down more strongly than ordinary ones, and moments of relief after fear can feel especially intense.

• Card 2

  Ways idealisation can show up

  • Replaying the best conversations or moments on a loop
  • Comparing new people or situations unfavourably to an idealised memory
  • Minimising or 'explaining away' the harder parts when they come to mind
  • Believing that if you had just done something differently, the good version would have stayed

• Card 3

  A helpful, gentle practice is holding the whole picture rather than only the highlights — not to erase the good memories, but to place them alongside the rest of what happened, so neither part gets to speak alone.

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